Solitary And Silent

I wonder if this is what is destined for me.Being left all alone in the end.Being cheated upon and lied to.Not being accepted for who I am. But what I definitely am not going to do is change myself for a bunch of people who cannot stay loyal to me.
Yes loyalty is what all of us want. And I have always had to struggle for a long long time to finally find real friends who are compatible with me as well I am comfortable with.
I still count myself lucky to have a few genuine people left in my depressed life. But i don't want to be a hindrance in their life. I don't want to whine and stay all upset in front of them because they are the only people who most definitely deserve the best of me, and I'm going to put in my every bit of strength to stay happy with them, for them.
Why cannot I have a few friends like the rest of those idiots in that God-awful place have.Why am I the only one who is always left out in the end. And why do I have to wait so much and put in so much of an effort to make friends. :((
I know I'm sounding like some cry-baby
But whatever you may think, I'm feeling a rush of emotions inside me and yet
"I've become so numb"